So, I was thinking in the shower, as one does, I got to thinking about failure. Oh boy, this is gonna be a cheerful one.

So I think maybe the difference between being an adult and being a child is having the realization that you might never be as great as you could be. Most people aren’t and why should you be any different? As I see it, you have two choices when you realize this. Either you accept it, in which case you lost a lot of the possibility for it to happen, or you deny it, claim that you’re different and you’re gonna be special, which increases your chance of making it, but also makes it a lot worse if you fail, as you usually crash harder than the person who settled earlier and didn’t waste as much time.

Now, I can hear a lot of people saying that they’re not failures, they love their lives. And you’re absolutely right. Because most lives contain a lot of failure and manage happiness regardless. This isn’t a big deal. But at one point or another, you gave up being great, you set your goals as more imaginable. Maybe you still entertain thoughts of curing cancer or being a rock star, but most of us are just happy with having a job that doesn’t make us want to kill ourselves or better still, a job that makes us happy, even if it doesn’t really matter much to us or anyone else.

In case you were wondering, no, I’m not actually going anywhere with this. Just rambling and thinking.

The thing is, I’ve been applying for jobs and not getting them. A lot of jobs, most of which I don’t even get a reply on. Zero interest. Pass. Not even a chance. That’s hard. Not because I don’t get the job; I barely want most of these jobs. The problem is the outright rejection without any purpose behind it. I don’t learn anything from the rejections, I can’t defend myself against them, they’re just flat failure. And not failure of something I did, failure in what I am. Regardless of what I am and what I can do, I can’t do that. I can’t fix that situation and there’s nothing I can do about it. If there was something I could do about it, it was 7-10 years ago. Probably the worst thing about failure is when you realize that you’ve been aiming for something for a long time and it wasn’t going to ever happen, because you made a wrong choice a decade ago and didn’t even realize it.

I’m not likely to ever be a millionaire. Maybe, still a chance, but most people aren’t, so the odds aren’t good. But that’s fine right? Money doesn’t buy happiness. No, but it’s pretty good at preventing unhappiness. It lowers the risks. Going from being a millionaire to middle class sucks, sure, but going from barely making it to starving to death is a little bit worse. So instead of being rich, I scale back my expectations. I just want to survive and be comfortable. Which is pretty accomplishable right? Most people manage that, no problem. I’ve maximized my odds of being happy, but gave up my chance at greatness.

Not sure if that’s a problem or not, but it’s how things work. And who knows? Still might win the life lottery, even with my more reasonable expectations.

geologise:

the-star-stuff:

Teens Put Lego Man in ‘Space’ (Actually Stratosphere)

That’s one giant leap for Lego. Two Canadian highschoolers have wowed the Web with their video of a Lego toy taking a balloon ride to near-space.

The video, made by Toronto 17-year-olds Mathew Ho and Asad Muhammad, shows a tiny Lego man holding a Canadian flag with the blue curve of the Earth far below and the black of space above. It is the latest example of do-it-yourself near-space photography by an amateur balloon launching team.

The teens used a weather balloon to carry the Lego minifigure and set of cameras, one with a fish-eye lens, into to the stratosphere, ultimately reaching a height of nearly 80,000 feet (24,384 meters) before the balloon burst, according to the Toronto Star . Once the balloon popped, the Lego man and its attached cameras fell back to Earth under a homemade parachute.

Pictures that they have taken:

Photo Credit: Lego Man In Space, Mission Success Album

Pretty awesome, right? Definitely would love to do this in the near future.

Even the Canadians have a better space program!

astronemma:

We live in a beautiful solar system…

So true.

Dave and Rose: Meh. Fun, but irrelevant. And by irrelevant I mean the most relevant to the story and cool to see more of Dave’s psyche and their history but I already knew it, kinda.

John and Vriska: Baaaaaaaaw.

Davesprite and Jadesprite: Baaaaaaaaw x2 combo with a little mixture of happiness and awe and Davesprite’s supreme badassness.

Liv x CD: Teehee, no more baws, never again. Everything is good with Exiles.

Nepeta and Jaspersprite: Baaaaaaaaw x3 combo. Emphasis on the x3

At first I: xD

But then I: :(

Okay, this post has no real point… But I just read the Break Heads update of Homestuck… And this is… Wow. All I can say is…

Dat update. /lipbitingsunglassespicture

Oh Gamzee. You are the best psycho clown. But I highly recommend putting on the 28 Days Later music the artist links. It adds SO MUCH.

PANTSKAT! TallPants<3Karkat=OTP!

Oh Gamzee. Why you so crazy.

I grew up in isolation.

There was my family, sure. And a few friends along the way, although none particularly close. But I had something that experience has led me to believe is rather rare these days: The free space to exist alone and unimpeded. To flourish into vacant space, rather than compete like a plant struggling against its fellows for sunshine. It’s a luxury I miss. Sometimes other people being around is like a physical pressure I can almost barely endure. One or two people, no problem. Crowds, I feel like my mind is being crushed like my body is on an unusually packed morning subway commute. Almost a physical sensation at times. I find myself sitting back and away, retreating from the hurricane of thought and emotion and personality and just watching it go by.

When I was younger, this arose from fear. It was a melee, a head-to-head battle for which I wasn’t equipped and didn’t understand. Now though… I’ve fought those battles and I just don’t enjoy it. A competition of people not competing. It’s exhausting and imposing. Now I am content to observe. To draw those I wish to interact with outside of that world and into mine, rather than delve into that world and have mine crushed and deformed.

As I grow older, peace is all I seek. Stability even in the new, predictability even in adventure. And I worry, someday I may find it. The chaos and surprise of my youth left as a series of snapshots. Torture that they no longer exist, but priceless in the obtaining.

I grew up in isolation and the path I walk leads me to return.