So, I was thinking in the shower, as one does, I got to thinking about failure. Oh boy, this is gonna be a cheerful one.
So I think maybe the difference between being an adult and being a child is having the realization that you might never be as great as you could be. Most people aren’t and why should you be any different? As I see it, you have two choices when you realize this. Either you accept it, in which case you lost a lot of the possibility for it to happen, or you deny it, claim that you’re different and you’re gonna be special, which increases your chance of making it, but also makes it a lot worse if you fail, as you usually crash harder than the person who settled earlier and didn’t waste as much time.
Now, I can hear a lot of people saying that they’re not failures, they love their lives. And you’re absolutely right. Because most lives contain a lot of failure and manage happiness regardless. This isn’t a big deal. But at one point or another, you gave up being great, you set your goals as more imaginable. Maybe you still entertain thoughts of curing cancer or being a rock star, but most of us are just happy with having a job that doesn’t make us want to kill ourselves or better still, a job that makes us happy, even if it doesn’t really matter much to us or anyone else.
In case you were wondering, no, I’m not actually going anywhere with this. Just rambling and thinking.
The thing is, I’ve been applying for jobs and not getting them. A lot of jobs, most of which I don’t even get a reply on. Zero interest. Pass. Not even a chance. That’s hard. Not because I don’t get the job; I barely want most of these jobs. The problem is the outright rejection without any purpose behind it. I don’t learn anything from the rejections, I can’t defend myself against them, they’re just flat failure. And not failure of something I did, failure in what I am. Regardless of what I am and what I can do, I can’t do that. I can’t fix that situation and there’s nothing I can do about it. If there was something I could do about it, it was 7-10 years ago. Probably the worst thing about failure is when you realize that you’ve been aiming for something for a long time and it wasn’t going to ever happen, because you made a wrong choice a decade ago and didn’t even realize it.
I’m not likely to ever be a millionaire. Maybe, still a chance, but most people aren’t, so the odds aren’t good. But that’s fine right? Money doesn’t buy happiness. No, but it’s pretty good at preventing unhappiness. It lowers the risks. Going from being a millionaire to middle class sucks, sure, but going from barely making it to starving to death is a little bit worse. So instead of being rich, I scale back my expectations. I just want to survive and be comfortable. Which is pretty accomplishable right? Most people manage that, no problem. I’ve maximized my odds of being happy, but gave up my chance at greatness.
Not sure if that’s a problem or not, but it’s how things work. And who knows? Still might win the life lottery, even with my more reasonable expectations.